Thoughts of A Prodigal

This post is written from the first-person perspective of the prodigal son.


And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me…’ Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.” - Luke 15:11-16

This pigsty reeks… or is that just me?

There’s no one to blame but myself.

I demanded my father’s gold before he was even close to Heaven’s Gates. I was so seduced by what my eyes saw in the world beyond my father’s house. Fame, fortune, self-satisfaction in all the ways that stroked my ego. There’s a big world out there and I wanted to sit at the table where the playmakers reign.

Fool. How could I truly think that I might own a piece of the world? My wealth attracted many people who I thought might be friends, but I didn’t know who they were or their true intentions (Proverbs 19:4).

My older brother is still with our father. He is not like me- he desires the honor of faithfulness to our father and is puffed in pride by his obedience (Luke 15:30). I thought to be my own man and, thus, broke family ties that had long nurtured me through patience, acceptance, and God-centered love.

The servants- the hired servants- of my father. They are seen as valuable and treated with more dignity than I am now. My father cares for their well-being and makes all rest; just as God cared for the Israelites as they came out of Egypt (Deuteronomy 8:2) and gave them the commandment to rest (Exodus 20:9-10). I’m given the scraps and leftovers not even the dogs want by a master that only cares that the job is done and his hands are kept clean.

My shame is so great that none could look upon me. My Lord, how long will you forget me? How long will you hide your face from me? (Psalm 13:1-2) Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths and my lifetime is as nothing before you (Psalm 39:5).

God, what is man that you are mindful of me? The son of man that you care for me- sinner that I am who walked away from you and from my family? (Psalm 8:4)

I am resolved.

I will return to my Father’s house and I will claim my sins that have brought me shame. I will remember the character of my father’s steadfast love and pray he deals kindly towards me, though I do not deserve to even be considered a son (Psalm 13:5-6). I will hope against hope that I am not too far for his forgiveness and mercy to touch me (Romans, 4:17-18; Psalm 103:10-12).

Lord, cleanse me. Wash me that I may be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness, and let these bones that you have broken rejoice… Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit (Psalm 51).

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Deliver me from all my transgressions. Do not make me the scorn of the fool! (Psalm 39:7-8). It is said in Psalms that with you there is forgiveness, Great I AM; that you may be brought glory and we may experience your steadfast love and redemption (Psalm 130:4,7).

I do not deserve any of your mercy, but I seek it with a truly repentant heart. I will return to my father and take responsibility for the sins I have committed against him.

God, be with me as I return.

“And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him…” - Luke 15:20

Annie Sostok