Friendsgiving

 

A perfectly cooked turkey, mac n cheese, yams, green beans, MASHED POTATOES, pumpkin pie... the list goes on. Whatever your guilty pleasure holiday food is, how much better does it taste sitting around a table with all of your favorite people? It’s no surprise that “Friendsgivings” were popularized around the mid-2000’s, giving us an extra opportunity to gather with our favorite people, celebrate the year, and satisfy our taste buds. But, if you’ve developed a friendship that’s lasted more than a few weeks, I’m sure you’ve experienced some turbulence here and there. Does it ever feel like our friends miss the whole ‘-giving’ part of friendsgiving?

Friendship is messy. Christian friendship is messy. It seems clear that we aren’t perfect people (...that’s the whole point of the Gospel, right? Imperfect people in need of a perfect Savior to be reconciled to a perfect God). But all too often we are persuaded to believe the dangerous misconception that our friends are perfect. Obviously they are not--and we are not--but we often expect perfection from our friends so when they hurt us it stings a little deeper. So how do we respond to conflict with friends? Well, this is what Jesus himself had to say:

12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:12-13

It’s really important for Christian friendships to look drastically different from other friendships, especially in the midst of conflict. Why? Because Christ gave. Shortly after Jesus said these things in John 15, he practiced what he preached: Christ gave his life for his friends (John 19:28-31). Jesus Christ stood in our place to settle the greatest conflict in history. He, being innocent (Luke 23:14-15), took the penalty of our sin to the cross (2 Cor. 5:21), stared death in the face and defeated it (John 11:25-26, 1 Cor. 15:3-4). Jesus gave everything for us--his friends. 

Jesus modeled friendship really well for us. He was almost always eating with friends, going to a meal with friends, or coming from a meal with friends (John 21:9-14); he balanced truth and grace in his conversations with his friends (John 1:14); and he gave sacrificially for his friends, even after they abandoned him (Mark 14:50). While he was on the cross, Jesus actually made a new friend (Luke 22:32-43). Two robbers were crucified on either side of Jesus. One mocks Jesus, to whom Jesus pays no attention. But the other criminal actually rebukes the mocker, acknowledges Jesus’s innocence, and pleads with Jesus to save him. Jesus replies, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Wow. Jesus gave all the way up to his dying breath. 

The same Jesus blesses the meek, the merciful, and the peacemakers (Matthew 5:5-9). If Christians can’t pursue these qualities, if we can’t forgive our friends and pursue peace with them, then what does that say about our faith? To restate again: it’s really important for Christian friendships to look drastically different from other friendships, especially in the midst of conflict! Jesus gave. Can you give mercy, grace, and forgiveness to your friend? 

“...whoever abides in Him ought to walk in the same way in which He walked”

1 John 2:6

“Iron sharpens iron,

    and one man sharpens another.” 

Proverbs 27:17

“A friend loves at all times,

    and a brother is born for adversity.”

Proverbs 17:17